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A Swift Primer on NFL NARRATIVE

Western New York hasn’t seen much Winter weather this season; however, for much of the past week, we Buffalo Bills fans have been subjected to a frigid barrage of McDermott memes, from every direction. Saturday Night Live even got in on the action, poking McClappy for his 2019 gaffe. 


So, in the spirit of the season of giving, I thought I’d get in on the meme action. Here is–to the best of my limited memeworthiness and lack of editing software–my visual interpretation of the National Media’s take on what has transpired, since the Buffalo Bills almost went up 17-7 on the Eagles:


             

Remember: The NFL is objectively NOT a sports league. Nope. The NFL is a NARRATIVE league. It is a league that hops from narrative train to narrative train, chasing a golden ticket of media relevance–and thus a massive cash influx. 


According to the NFL’s media machine, Sean McDermott stood under four yards away, glaring at a blatant horse-collar tackle by Hassan Reddick, and because he made a verbal blunder about TERROR in a closed-doors team meeting, four years away in the past, HE: McDermott ignored the horse-collar, so that Jason and Travis Kelce could have a better chance at meeting in the Super Bowl. 


Now, why would Sean McDermott do this? Why would Sean go back to 2019, in order to ignore a blatant penalty that further sunk Buffalo’s hopes of even reaching the playoffs? Well, you’re looking at this with logic and reason, because you–dear reader–are a reasonable and logical being. 


You’re not looking at this situation while wearing NFL NARRATIVE glasses. When you put those glasses on, it all becomes clear. You see, there’s this enormous tribe of humans willing to cough up thousands upon thousands of dollars to remain loyal members of their tribe, who–up until this point in history–were at best tangentially interested in football. 


This tribe are Swifties. (I know this sounds grammatically clunky, but think: We are legion).


If you’re getting lost in the sauce, I’ll connect the dots: Taylor Swift is dating Travis Kelce. Travis’ brother, Jason, plays for the Iggles. In order for the NARRATIVE of superstardom to reach its climate at the Super Bowl, Jason and Travis need to play against one another. That way the tribe of Swifties will intently watch their heroine’s knight in shining armor do battle against his brother (even though, technically, they both play on the offensive side of the ball… The NFL NARRATIVE is not one for hemming and hawing over something so trivial as reason, logic, or facts… How droll!), and be subjected to countless ads, which will entice them to spend their money on the businesses that advertise with the NFL. 


It’s not rocket science. Connect the dots. The Bills had to lose to the Iggles, McDermott needed to be scapegoated, and the Swifties needed to have their fairy-tale put on center stage by the NFL. Tie it in a bow, and put it under the tree; now we’ll watch Part Deux of the NARRATIVE, as Travis gets one step closer to fulfilling the NFL’s fairy-tale ending. 


-Tim Avery - 12/10/2023

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